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What will be your legacy?
November 24, 2008, 11:24 am · 4 comments · Filed under: Life
My mother died of pancreatic cancer 3 months ago, today. It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long. The experience has prompted in me some reflection on my own life, at the mid-way point.
I was fortunate to be able to travel back to the States for 2 weeks before my mother’s death. We couldn’t really afford it financially or otherwise, but I consider it a gift that I was able to spend a little more time with her.
I have known for a long time, though she did not talk about it much, that mom had a lot of regrets and bitterness about her life not turning out how she’d hoped. I wrote about it 10 years ago, and I think it remained true until her final days.
Mom’s legacy
One of the last things I said to my mother was that she should feel proud of her legacy. The Saturday I was home, we gathered most of her children and grandchildren for a barbecue at the house. She was leaving behind 4 kids who made it to adulthood relatively sane and intact, 11 beautiful, healthy grandkids, and her first great-grandchild on the way. I hope reminding her of her legacy gave my mother some measure of comfort as the curtain was closing on her life.
Each of us outlives our deaths in some way. For some, it is in the form of something built or written that’s worth remembering. Some are gifted enough to create works of art, organizations, or even ideas that will be preserved and perhaps celebrated years hence.
Sadly, some may only be “remembered” as a dry statistic in their final hospital’s files.
One way we all live on is in the influence we have had on others, a kind of ripple effect of energy — positive, negative, or some combination thereof — that resonates in ways either amplified or diminished over time.
Me, I wish I could say I’m creating a more worthwhile legacy. I’m building software, which has the shelf life of a banana. I take some photographs, but nothing notorious. That leaves my ripple effect.
These two deserve the best I have to give,
maybe better.
Mid-way through my 40th year, I feel disappointed. I’m disappointed that I’m not doing nearly the job I thought myself capable of with my relationships. Life is teaching me that I am so much less capable, so much less resilient than I imagined even 10 years ago when I still believed what my mother had told me growing up, that there was nothing I couldn’t do.
I also feel afraid. I’m afraid that when I die, it will be with regrets, like my mother’s, about how much more positive influence I could have left behind.
The death of a parent and my reaching mid-life have bought these issues to the fore. It feels like the clock is ticking for me to (finally) get my act together. I have a lot of life before me, but if the next 40 years goes by as quickly as have the last 40, it will be over before I know it. However I go about it, I will be left to reckon with the ever-cascading effects of this day’s decisions.
I will never get today back. May I do more with it than I did yesterday, more than the day before.
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4 comments
Thanks. Yes, I am creating my legacy now, through my relationships probably more than through my work. I feel like I could be doing a better job of that, but then most people probably feel that way. I guess the point is just to keep trying to improve and do our best.
This is one of the best and most real blog posts i think i’ve ever read.
It takes a lot to really think about things and although all of us sit back and say “where are we going”, you have clearly put a lot of thought into it.
My personal take on all this is that you are remembered in your family and that’s really all that counts. Are you on Geni? Our family (now with > 800 on geni) have started collecting lots of historical family pictures, videos and such - connecting with family members.
This Christmas i am working on a (very, very amateur) film using pics, video, music and so on - a memory of our family past… and the future of the family. Makes you reflect, but you can’t really control work and achievement - things change way too much. Connecting and remembering your family is something that you can do though.
Have you considering pulling together these kinds of things to make a short family “movie”? I started to do it to remember my Grandad who died 10 years ago (next March) and i was very close to.
Thanks for your comment, Steven. Geni looks cool. I will throw it my dad’s way (@OregonPoet). He’s always been the family historian, so at 71 y.o., it’s time to start committing all of that knowledge to a place where my family can all benefit. Great idea!
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Wow. All I could say is, look at your kids (I guess the girls are your kids). They ARE your legacy. Look at what you have accomplished in life so far and this IS your legacy. Even the slightest things that you did that changed your surroundings is your legacy.
Granted, some might remember, many will not. But in reality, a ripple in the ocean never ends. In fact, there are two ways it could go: Remain a ripple or become a larger wave. No matter the outcome, you are, at this very moment by already writing this, creating a legacy. People will remember, a few tell others about it.
So the best you could do is live your life as you are doing now. Be a good person in a way you think is good. Best of all, help others who cross your path in life. Right now I am in a similar path, although in a different situation, of my life where I think about these things as well.
As to answer your question: I guess my legacy, at this point of my life, is that I can be of proper and positive influence to people. I personally don’t want to be remembered that much, as long as people do what is good for them and for those who are willing to share their paths and learn from experiences… like I am right now with some friends.
Cheers, mate. Good and deep post and you’ve already earned a lot of respect.
★ Posted by: CK010 · November 24, 2008, 2:59 pm